CD3 Update

I had my CD3 work up today, which included my injections training. No biggie. I picked up my Gonal-F perscription....A 900iu pen for $690! Plus my trigger shot for $70 so I'd have it ready. So the original plan was 75iu a day....I was thinking ok, I can handle that price. One pen may be enough. Then my nurse called with my bloodwork results. My FSH and E2 levels were elevated so they want to start me at 225iu!! I'm kinda freaking out about that. Basically 225iu will last 4 days. $690 for 4 days!?!
It is what it is and I will do what I need to, but wow. Can't I for once just catch a break and have my body play nice? This is all so frustrating.

And another BFN

I have tested the last 3 days and all negatives. Not even a glimmer of a line. POOP. I am really angry this time around. Mostly just at the why. Everything looked great this month, our timing couldn't have been better, and still  no dice. I was hoping to surprise Mr. DF on Father's Day and of course when I saw the BFN, I couldn't keep it from him. I cried for about an hour and a half. How to you pretend you didn't just see a BFN then?? He took it really hard this time. He cried, repeatedly asked me why this was happening to us, and threw things. Now that we've digested it, all we can do is move forward.
I spoke with my RE yesterday, who was totally bummed to here the news. I can tell he's really rooting for us. He wanted to try another round of Clomid, but after I spoke with him about our financial concerns and explained to him that we were emotionally ready to try the next step, he agreed to a low-dose of injectables.
Mr. DF and I talked about it last night and part of us wants to take a cycle off. Mr. told me it was in the end my decision since I do the majority of the work (lol). I slept on it and I think I want to go ahead and move forward. I don't want to wait. I think a cycle off will throw me out of the loop. I do think, however, that if this one doesn't work, I will need that break. Lets stay hopeful for now though, right?!
So I have put a call in to my nurse to hear about which meds so I can price them out and to see how exactly an inject cycle works as far as visits, etc. I just want to budget out next cycle as best as possible. The details could be the only thing that sways me into taking a break. I'll keep my everyone updated :)

Having a really bad day!

We had a little comment made to us this weekend that I can't get out of my brain. Mr. DF and a friend's dad were talking trash like guys do and our friends dad said to my husband "Your balls ain't sh!t, you can't even make any kids with them!" Long story short, I stormed out and we left. I just keep replaying it in my mind and am so hurt. I can't believe someone who is supposed to care about us would say something like that.
My boss basically told me I looked like crap today. He said I forgot to finish my hair this morning. Um no I scrunched it curly, it was meant to look like this.
Patients are bothering me with all their BS today.
The world is continuing to get pregnant without me, including girls who aren't trying.
I'm just having a poor me day. I really wish I could punch someone with no ramifications. Hopefully I can find a way to snap out of it.

Oh man! Back from Maui with my updates!

Man I haven't been on here forever!!
Maui was fantastic. Too short like every other vacation, but I was ready to see my puppies! :)
Let me tell you how my last 4 days went. My CD3 stuff all came back good so I was able to start meds in time. We came home the night of CD11 at about 11 p.m. Had to wake up at 6 the next morning to go to my monitoring u/s. Home by 9 and then I played in a 4 hour softball tournament. Everything was good to go so they triggered me that morning. I think my follies were 21, 14, and something else....sigh. I was tired! Ok so I went yesterday for IUI....Got up at 7 am, they were running way late so we didn't leave their office until about 11:30. He did an u/s after the IUI which showed that I was getting ready to O, but I wasn't quite there. Follies were at 22, 16, and 14. So they had me come back this morning for round two and did another IUI. Pretty sure I had already O'd by then, but this gives us the best chance.
These two IUIs were not as quick as the last. It took the Dr. forever to get the catheter into my uterus. I'm thinking 8 minutes of uncomfortable and awkward poking, rearranging, etc...I hope this is it. I'm tired. I'm drained. But after 20 hours of sleep in the last 4 days, of course I am. It might change once I'm rested.
So here we go again for another long 2 week wait. I feel much calmer this round, hopefully I remain that way until test day.
This whole post was probably a mess. I'm so tired, I don't even know if I'm making sense. Just wanted to update :)

A new start!

Well here we go again. Cycle day one. Our 19th cycle actually being able to try and like our 27th since starting TTC. Crappers. I am trying to be very optimistic this cycle. My body played nice last month and it now gave me AF when I needed it to. I was really stressing about it yesterday since we leave for Maui in two days. I did not want to take a cycle off now that we're finally getting somewhere.  I started late last night and I know it's still not 100% until I have my baseline u/s tomorrow and everything looks good, but I am hopeful that we are on our IUI #2 cycle. Now that I know what to expect, I am hoping I am calmer this cycle. I really thought I was last cycle, but Mr. doesn't agree. Looking back, I suppose I could have been a little calmer or relaxed, but every symptom from the meds made me think, Oh maybe this is it! Now I know not to stress on every twinge, sore boob, nauseous moment....I spoke with my nurse yesterday and she made me feel better about it all. She told me not to give up and that it will happen...Ok she just called as I was typing this! Because I was spotting pretty heavily yesterday and started flowing in the evening yesterday, they're going to consider yesterday CD1. So assuming all looks good tomorrow, I will start my Clomid again tomorrow! She's also going to call in the trigger shot so I can pick that up tomorrow since my monitoring u/s will be on a Sunday and they may want to trigger then. Yay! I hope everything tomorrow looks great so we can go on.

BFN :(

Well IUI #1 didn't work. I didn't sleep at all last night and I had two dreams about getting negative tests. When I finally had the nerve to get up and test, I still let myself believe that it might have worked. I took two different tests, different brands, and both screamed negative. Knife to the heart. I lost it in the bathroom...then came to tell Mr. DF and lost it some more.
So here goes another $1,500 or so, another round of meds, and another 2ww from hell. I don't want to necessarily do it, but I will. Let me take that back, I want to do it, I'm just not looking forward to it.  On the upside, we have Maui in 6 days and I'll be able to enjoy sushi and alcoholic tropical drinks.
Today, I am going to let myself cry. Tomorrow, I will pick myself up, dust off my ovaries, and prepare to battle cycle #19 and IUI #2.

I'm too lazy to type it all out so here is a copy and paste of my results: "Your holter monitor showed a normal heart rate and rhythm with frequent extra beats from the bottom chambers of the heart, called premature ventricular contractions, or PVCs. This is what Dr. A suspected based on your description of the palpitations when we last saw you in clinic. PVCs can occur for many reasons--stress, fatigue, illness, too much caffiene or other stimulants, etc. They can also be a reflection of a change in heart function; however, since your last echo looked good this is not likely to be the case. PVCs can be bothersome, but they are not dangerous. They can sometimes cause mild dizziness and/or shortness of breath. Some people say their chest sometimes aches after having alot of PVCs. The medications that we spoke of in clinic--beta blockers--are generally used very effectively to control these extra beats. However, at this point I would not consider it mandatory to start you on medication as long as you feel things are stable and/or improving.....try to reduce stress, watch your caffiene intake and try to get enough rest."
Not bad :) How am I supposed to reduce my stress and get more rest though?! LOL. The caffeine thing I might be able to do....Although I couldn't resist the urge for a soda tonight so maybe not. It's kind of weird because I feel less stressed now than I have in a while and I still got these results. Plus they day I wore the monitor, I had an easy day. Today, my heart was jumping around like crazy. I wonder if I would have gotten the same results...of course today was a stressful day for me, so I suppose that is the culprit and I really need to adhere to me doc's advice. ::sigh::