Friday, February 11, 2011

One year ago today...

I found out I had to have my surgery. I feel like that date will stick in my brain forever. It's kind of bittersweet. I think wow, I've come a long way, but then I also remember how I sat there crying about how we would have to wait to have a baby. I remember telling myself that a year from then, I would be pregnant and none of it would matter. Here we are a year later, not pregnant, and not even able to try. I also think about all the friendships I lost. Well not really lost, I suppose they were never true friendships to begin with. It is just crazy how much a year can change your life. It's crazy how a year can bring no change at all.
It's now two weeks into my four week wait from the vaccine. I have not called my RE again. I am chicken and I also don't care. I think I may need a second opinion. He obviously doesn't care enough to even address my concerns with the whole waiting issue and hasn't given me any answers as to my body and irregular periods. My gut says go somewhere else. There's a place here in town that charges $250 for the consultation. Every single procedure will be out of pocket. But will it be worth it if they listen to me? If they figure out my problem? If they get me pregnant? YES! I just need to get over the thought of starting all over. And I need to convince my husband. I know he'll go along with anything I say (gotta love him), but he's hesitant to spend the money. I think he trusts anything a doctor will tell him and is on board with the RE we have now. But it's not his body. It's not his eggs dying off every month. We cannot wait forever. Especially if we still want 2 or 3 children.
On a fantastic note, we booked our trip to Maui. Maybe we shouldn't be spending the money on this, maybe we should be spending it on a new doctor and infertility treatments. Maybe, but after the year and a half we've had, we not only deserve this, but we need it. I got an amazing deal so our tax return will pay for the flight and room. It's something we have to do. Also, I need something concrete to look forward to.

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