A new start!

Well here we go again. Cycle day one. Our 19th cycle actually being able to try and like our 27th since starting TTC. Crappers. I am trying to be very optimistic this cycle. My body played nice last month and it now gave me AF when I needed it to. I was really stressing about it yesterday since we leave for Maui in two days. I did not want to take a cycle off now that we're finally getting somewhere.  I started late last night and I know it's still not 100% until I have my baseline u/s tomorrow and everything looks good, but I am hopeful that we are on our IUI #2 cycle. Now that I know what to expect, I am hoping I am calmer this cycle. I really thought I was last cycle, but Mr. doesn't agree. Looking back, I suppose I could have been a little calmer or relaxed, but every symptom from the meds made me think, Oh maybe this is it! Now I know not to stress on every twinge, sore boob, nauseous moment....I spoke with my nurse yesterday and she made me feel better about it all. She told me not to give up and that it will happen...Ok she just called as I was typing this! Because I was spotting pretty heavily yesterday and started flowing in the evening yesterday, they're going to consider yesterday CD1. So assuming all looks good tomorrow, I will start my Clomid again tomorrow! She's also going to call in the trigger shot so I can pick that up tomorrow since my monitoring u/s will be on a Sunday and they may want to trigger then. Yay! I hope everything tomorrow looks great so we can go on.

BFN :(

Well IUI #1 didn't work. I didn't sleep at all last night and I had two dreams about getting negative tests. When I finally had the nerve to get up and test, I still let myself believe that it might have worked. I took two different tests, different brands, and both screamed negative. Knife to the heart. I lost it in the bathroom...then came to tell Mr. DF and lost it some more.
So here goes another $1,500 or so, another round of meds, and another 2ww from hell. I don't want to necessarily do it, but I will. Let me take that back, I want to do it, I'm just not looking forward to it.  On the upside, we have Maui in 6 days and I'll be able to enjoy sushi and alcoholic tropical drinks.
Today, I am going to let myself cry. Tomorrow, I will pick myself up, dust off my ovaries, and prepare to battle cycle #19 and IUI #2.

I'm too lazy to type it all out so here is a copy and paste of my results: "Your holter monitor showed a normal heart rate and rhythm with frequent extra beats from the bottom chambers of the heart, called premature ventricular contractions, or PVCs. This is what Dr. A suspected based on your description of the palpitations when we last saw you in clinic. PVCs can occur for many reasons--stress, fatigue, illness, too much caffiene or other stimulants, etc. They can also be a reflection of a change in heart function; however, since your last echo looked good this is not likely to be the case. PVCs can be bothersome, but they are not dangerous. They can sometimes cause mild dizziness and/or shortness of breath. Some people say their chest sometimes aches after having alot of PVCs. The medications that we spoke of in clinic--beta blockers--are generally used very effectively to control these extra beats. However, at this point I would not consider it mandatory to start you on medication as long as you feel things are stable and/or improving.....try to reduce stress, watch your caffiene intake and try to get enough rest."
Not bad :) How am I supposed to reduce my stress and get more rest though?! LOL. The caffeine thing I might be able to do....Although I couldn't resist the urge for a soda tonight so maybe not. It's kind of weird because I feel less stressed now than I have in a while and I still got these results. Plus they day I wore the monitor, I had an easy day. Today, my heart was jumping around like crazy. I wonder if I would have gotten the same results...of course today was a stressful day for me, so I suppose that is the culprit and I really need to adhere to me doc's advice. ::sigh::

One week until we test!

This has been the longest week no joke. I don't know how I am going to get through another. So far everything has been fine. I feel like I do every 2ww. The Prometrium is giving me some side effects, but nothing major. I will say the evening of the IUI and the day after was pretty miserable. I had severe cramping and felt like crap. There were moments where I couldn't even move. Since then barely any cramping. I was going to test a day early, but I'm pretty sure I've decided against it. 

I also got our first bill from the RE. Holy crap! The bill was for $1690 and that isn't even covering the two monitoring u/s' and the IUI. So I'm expecting another$1300 or so. So far we have spent nearly $4000 and we're not even pregnant. I don't know how we can keep doing it over and over. Right now I'm just hoping we won't have to worry about it. And as much as this will all be worth it and money is just money, it also doesn't grow on trees. We will run out. 

Just keeping our fingers crossed for now!

IUI is behind us!

We did our IUI this morning. I think it went really well and I am feeling positive.  We had 60 million sperm post wash, 80% motility, and morphology of 3. She said it was excellent. 

It was different than I expected. Just so relaxed. The nurse did our IUI, not a RE, which whatever, that didn't bother me. She is obviously pregnant so as we were walking in I wished her a Happy Mother's Day. She held up Mr.'s goods and said "You too, this is going to be your day!" She was really excited for us. It was sweet. 

So tomorrow will begin the longest 2 week wait ever! They want me to test in 2 weeks and we'll only confirm with a beta blood test if it's a positive. I was surprised they wouldn't do it either way, but honestly I could do without the $100 and 3 hours drive for the confirmation of a negative, so I'm cool with that. I hope this wait goes stress free for us and it ends with great news!

IUI is tomorrow!!

The day has finally come :)
I went for my second monitoring appointment today. Lining was still not great in my opinion (7.4). I keep taking the estrogen for that. My right side had three follicles: 2 at 19mm and a 14mm. My left side had a 21mm and a 14mm. I took a urine sample and waited for the nurse to call me. I went alone. Mr. DF was meeting with the landscaper (we got a way expensive quote so that won't be happening). Anyways....she called me back and told me that my urine tested positive for an LH surge and that I would be triggering today and IUI will be tomorrow! On Mother's Day!! She was really excited for me over that. She wanted to confirm with Dr. G. So I made the long drive home, awaiting the call.
I got super antsy and even called her once. Dr. G was in surgery all morning so I didn't get a call from one of the nurses until noon. She told me to trigger and all the small info. She also told me she was excited for me. Having complete strangers tell you that is nice! I love that office.
My sister, who weeks ago called dibs on being the one to give me the shot was already at my house, waiting! lol So we got the shot ready, which was nerve-wrecking. I was shaking so bad and had to have Mr. DF finish. Then my sister injected me. No pain, the solution just stung a little going in. We were all super excited after. I think my sister enjoyed it a little too much!
We go in the morning, Jason gives his sample and then we do the IUI about an hour later. Lets hope we get our Mother's Day miracle!

Yesterdays monitoring update

I should've update yesterday, but I was emotionally drained.
I realize now that the appointment actually went well, but I had in my head that we would trigger last night and when I was told that wouldn't happen, I threw an emotional fit. I am just so used to my body Oing early that it threw me for a loop.
So here's what happened. I was only on CD10 so this is actually great news (thank you to all my GP girls for bringing me back to sanity!). My body liked the Clomid. On the right side I have two follicles at 16mm and one at 14mm. On the left side I have one at 14mm and 3 under 10mm. They like to see 18mm follies in order to trigger. They grow 1-2mm a day so I should be ready on Saturday, which is when I go back for another ultrasound. Another $220 plus gas and a 3 hour drive. It'll all be worth it. I should have 3-4 mature follicles. That makes me nervous too. More mature follies means more potential babies. I am not going to stress about it until I have to though.
My lining was 6.7mm and they like it at 8mm so I'm hoping my estrogen will build that up. I'm also chuggin POM juice since that's been said to help lining.
So I will go back tomorrow morning to see where we stand. I am once again thinking I will trigger that night. This time I am hopeful I actually will. So maybe Monday for IUI?!

Clomid check!

I took my last Clomid pill last night. I start the estrogen today. Overall the Clomid side effects were not too bad. I had some hot flashes, sore boobs, and one major mood swing. I also cried a lot during the last few days, and at ridiculous things! Nothing I couldn't do again, but hopefully we won't have to worry about it!! I got Thursday to have my ultrasound to see how I responded. I am so nervous and excited. Lets hope the good news is finally going to continue!
On a side note, I have been using the Circle+Bloom IUI mediation program for a week now. I listen to about 15 minutes of guided meditation each night. It has helped a lot. It totally relaxes me and helps me fall asleep. A couple of times I have fallen asleep halfway into it and woke in a jolt, not sure where I was or what was going on! LOL Totally worth the money I spent for it! I feel so at peace and calm this cycle (for the most part or should I say calm for me). I'm sure it has a lot to do with the confidence in our RE and the fact that we are finally doing something.