Wednesday, April 6, 2011

"I'll find strength in pain"

I keep singing that line of a Mumford and Sons song over and over today. I'm not in a particularly bad mood today, just anxious I guess. I'm wishing Friday would come quicker. I want to go do my SHG and speak with my doctor. I want to know what our plan will be for next month. I'm sad that I'm already thinking of next month when I am only on day 6 of this cycle.
I set up an appointment for acupuncture next week. I will speak with Dr. G and make sure he recommends it and that the day it falls on is an ok day to go, but I am looking forward to it.
One day all this sadness, all the tears, all the doctor's appointments, and all the money spent will be worth it and I will only cherish all of it as a memory of something that has given me strength. Today though I just sit and wonder when?
I know most of this is due to my upcoming birthday. You would have thought 30 last year would have been worse. I had already come to terms with not being pregnant by 30 a couple months prior when I found out about my surgery. I turned 30 thinking it would be my last birthday without a child, at least my last birthday without a pregnant belly. Now it seems I will be saying the same thing about 31.
One day it will happen, I hope. In the meantime "I'll find strength in pain".

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